‘When perfect is not perfect enough’- part 1

PART ONE

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So this week, I have decided to tackle the issue of perfectionism in all it grimy detail. I was amazed to find out that after the many projects that Kia has worked on she does not celebrate it like everyone else. Instead, she tries to see ways in which next time can be even better.

“I have never completed anything in my life and thought, ‘Wow! That’s awesome’” says Kia.

 “I don’t know what it is about me but, everything I do has to be bigger, better, just greater than my last attempts. I am never satisfied with my performances, never 100% happy. its like I always compete with myself in order to beat myself.”

“It’s because you are a perfectionist, right?” I interrupted, making notes in my note pad.  I must admit, that after seeing Kia at work, I already had preconcepted notions that she was a perfectionist.

Kia leaned forward and peered anxiously at what I was writing.

“No....take that out....I’m not a perfectionist!” she said. “No way...perfectionists don’t take the kind of risks I do... not instantly anyways....I mean I go after what I want and perfectionists don’t do that very often because everything has to be perfect before they can do. I don't wait for perfection, I just do. I never sit and look at every single intricate details before i make my move...I just move,” she explained.

 “I just go with my heart and I give 100% to everything I do...” She shook her head as she tried to explain further, “I just always get this feeling after everything I do...like something is missing....”

“You feel disappointed?” I asked.

 She nodded, before quickly shaking her head. “I don’t think that’s how I feel,” she said finally.

 “I just feel like I could have done better and so I plan  to do better. I always want everything to be so explosive, it’s that buzz that I get, that dies instantly once it’s all over and then I feel that voice saying, ‘It has to be bigger and better next time’. So I’m always pushing for more.”

“Cause you’re a perfectionist!” I laughed determined to prove that i was right in what i was saying.

“No!” she said adamantly. “I don’t.....Maybe I just have an insatiable appetite for more, I don’t know...but I am not one of them...”

She pulled out her phone and handed it to me.


 “You don’t believe me?” she said.

Slowly, I took the phone from her hands, curious about why she was handing me her phone. 

 “Google it!”  

She was actually being serious and so that was exactly what I did.

It turns out that some perfectionist never admits to the fact that they are perfectionist and some, like Kia, even go to the extreme to prove they are not.

I revealed my findings but she replied saying that Google must be wrong on this point.

“I know! We’ll just have to buy a book that has detailed information about perfectionism...that’ll be more accurate,” she concluded, as she took the phone and began logging into her Amazon’s account.

“You are seriously going to buy a book?” I giggled, before bursting into laughter.

She paused and looked at me and then suddenly laughed too.

I couldn’t argue with her anymore but there was definitely something here.

I have witnessed excitement in Kia’s eyes whenever she undertakes a project.

I have also seen what appears to be uncertainty after most of her project, where she is always questioning herself especially if she hadn’t done as well as she had hoped, even when everyone commends her about how great she had done.

I was beginning to wonder why she had such reluctance to admit that she was a perfectionist although I wasn’t sure whether she was one or not.

Maybe it was something from her past that keeps her pushing for more, who knows.

I know I can definitely relate to that.  But how?.....