Reinvention: strive for the unknown- part 2

PART TWO

From speaking to Kia, I realised that she is rewarded by her changes through seeing the happiness that she has created for the people around her. This made me think that maybe it’s a good idea to reward the changes that go well in your lives.

Maybe it’s as simple as, knowing when you are on the right track and taking time to reward yourself and keeping yourself positive about reaching that end goal.

It’s also a fact that most goals take time and so you should never feel like reinvention should be quick; it is a gradual process which you need to plan a strategy for. If change happens too quickly, it might tire you out much before you have done anything worthwhile with your life. 

If you do fail, don’t let this stop you ever striving for change again. Failure is part of our learning process. Rather than hiding in your closet ask for feedback or assess where you went wrong. Then the next time you cannot falter along the way.

If you are a budding, young writer then you should always make time for reinvention, especially as it is one of those careers that can offer the most variety without having to strenuously study for the change.

To start the process,  young writers should firstly take some time off or find some free time where they can just think about their plan and their goal for change for a first few days. Take a retreat if you must but find a quiet place to think without any distractions.

Once you have a strategy, stick to it! There is nothing worse than knowing what could have been. Be serious about this change. Tell yourself that you cannot go back to your old life.

Reinvention has been popular even when individuals have rewarding careers already. For instance, Donatella Versace who is infamous for her designer brand clothing decided to take a different turn in the fashion world. 

 She created a new line for high street brand H&M which was a result of more than the year’s preparations. This result was not as easy as creating her ready- to – wear lines for her own collections for which she has had years of practice.

Her main reason for this change was to educate the youth about the history of Versace.

“I wanted to show the young people what Versace is. I was expecting H&M to tell me, ‘No, you can’t do this,’ but I gave them some samples, and they came back with something very similar. We live in the world of fashion, the world of young people,” she said.

Here again, Donatella had doubts that this change might have not worked but pursued it anyway since she was passionate about it. 

Even more, Joan Rivers, the comedian known for her sarcasm and ‘don’t – care’ attitude says that she likes her phases of reinvention and does not let anyone stop her.

“My career is very fluid. People always say to me “You keep reinventing yourself” and you just want to stare at them. You just go with the opportunity. I’m constantly writing, I’m constantly performing. I’m on the air in ‘Fashion Police’ but I’m also writing the show and the ‘Joan and Melissa’ show, “she says.

Filmmaker Nora Ephron famous for Oscar- nominated writing for When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail reveals that it is never too late to reinvent yourself. 

The 60 – year – old who has worked as a journalist, on President JFK’s campaign, director, filmmaker and writer feels that perhaps women have it easier.

“Women are sometimes in a better position than men to reinvent themselves. Men are more likely to get stuck in ruts, which is one reason why so many of them buy things like boats instead of switching careers, “she mentions.

Why not begin the change today? Change can only bring rewards and if you are positive, it should ensure your happiness and success in every part of your life. 

Try something different today!

Reinvention: strive for the unknown - part 1

PART ONE

Have you ever felt the need to do something else in your life but feel afraid of the thought of change? Maybe your family has told you that it is too late to change careers or that you have too much commitment and responsibility to ever get out of the rut you now find yourself in?

“The truth is most people are so afraid,” says Kia.

“Most people are living their lives under labels and once you have been labelled as something it becomes a task in itself to break free of that perception of yourself. Mainly because the people around you will fight pretty hard to ensure you stay in that category they have created for you.”

                                                                        
As we were chatting, I tried to think long and hard about the time when I have been labelled and I can certainly see this ideology as a fact as I struggle to live up to the image of my loved ones.

Now, I know that entering new territory should never be frightening but exciting.

When you reinvent yourself at a young age, change always has the potential to be great. Some have said that we can be happier if we de clutter and cleanse our lives.  

Leave your baggage behind whether it is objects or people. Other individuals should not have the right to drag you down with them.

Once you have restored your mental state, it is time to get physical. The best way to feel alive again is to energize the body. I find that if I start the day with 20 minutes of yoga or gentle exercise, I am much happier for the rest of the day and the general ‘tube rush’ in London does not bother me. I am able to deal with difficulties that arise as calmly as possible and know that it is just part of life.

A friend in India recently told me that she is afraid of changing careers. She studied sciences at university and cannot deal with the voices that will ridicule her for not being great at the main subject that she studied. 

We are all fearful of our future at some point in our lives but it is how we deal with it that is most important. We need to trust ourselves and ignore the negative voices that tell us, there are no ways out of our current situation.  Don’t let these voices stop you from progressing to a new level.

“I never accept labels,” says Kia. “If you think I am one thing today, I will be another tomorrow. I just never want to be boxed in, caved in, blocked into anything because I love the taste of freedom and I love the buzz that the unknown brings.”

“I am very good at creating possibilities for myself but my fear comes with meeting new people. People are often too quick to tell me I am successful because they somehow see success within me that I can’t recognise within myself.”

“How do you mean?” I asked.

 “I guess I cringe when people say that because as in my eyes I am not and there are still so much to do to get to the level I want,” Kia says. 

“It will take tremendous level of patience and passion, determination resilience, commitment, discipline- all the things I pray that I develop on a daily basis because they are not easy at all. I think the key though is to constantly give, because people don’t realise that success lies in giving, really it does,” she smiles happily.

“I just desperately want to share my book with the world and will wait in anticipation like a little kid asking ‘so what do you think of it? Do you like it?’ This can be both scary and exciting but in order for me to get to the point of sharing I must reinvent,” she explains.

“I must enter into the unknown and I must be willing to give. This is how I view success. I don’t view it as monetary gain meaning that I can now afford to buy the latest designer handbag. I view  success as in how many people have I inspired with my vision, my work and if I haven’t  moved   enough people with my craft, then I aspire to inspire more. It’s that simple. “

I must admit that I have become very fond of Kia. She really is very genuine. I do believe that she pushes herself to the limit and she always strives for something.

But is this all to reinvention? Find out more, in Part 2...

‘When perfect is not perfect enough’ - part 2

                                                                         PART TWO

                                                                                                                                                                          
......In the past, I have been guilty of striving for perfection when submitting work or potentially missing deadlines even when I know there is nothing more to add.

As a young writer, you can also face this problem when writing an article. Your editor constantly reminds you that your work only needs to be ‘workable’ as it is up to editors or sub – editors to decide on how the final version will look. Yet, you slave away at night producing at that ‘perfect’ piece, totally exhausted by the end.

I often wonder about why people feel the need to be perfect. Some dwell too much on their past mistakes and try to make the present a place where nothing can go wrong. Others are and remain anxious about their future and so their whole life is built around creating a selection of perfect anecdotes along the way.

If perfectionism is controlled and is present in only one part of your life, that is not a bad thing. Say that you decide you want to be better at creating suspense and so you spend more time in your novel doing so, reworking it until it is perfect. Eventually, readers will be hooked on the novel you wrote because of the effort spent on creating tension within your plot.

However, I believe that even if you aim for being perfect in everything you do, it will not last forever and the initial spark slowly dies after each event or project has ended.

“There is always going to be someone who can do as well or even better than you,” I said to Kia. “It’s inevitable.”

“I know,” she had said. “That’s why I push myself to beat myself because I am not competing with anyone else but myself. The only performances that matters are mines because that’s the only thing I can control. 


I look at people that have strived for what they want with admiration because they have paved the way so I can do the same and I want to pave the way for someone else so I can’t accept defeat because my goal is to be a part of the history of change.”

For me, it all began with my parents. Coming from an Asian background, I was taught that I should do well, no matter what the cost. When I was younger and living in India, I was always pushed to get higher grades than others and when I failed to get the grades that another did manage to get, I was made to feel bad about it. 


Not that I was a bad student. I won certificates for my academic school life and was in charge of tutoring other students. But, I never understood that I should just be happy with my academic potential rather than striving to be a bigger brainiac.

It was something that I knew, in my heart of hearts, could not be achieved. 

And I am not alone in this perfectionism battle. Take famous sportspeople like Tiger Woods and Andre Agassi.

Tiger Woods who has recently been in the papers for other reasons had to practice his golf skills tirelessly when he was younger whilst his dad trained him to perform under any situation. Most of his childhood was spent in training Tiger in the area of mental toughness which paid off. One could say that Tiger Woods would have not turned into the golfing champion he is today, without the preparation taken by his father.

                                                                            

Andre Agassi’s father took the tennis training challenge even further by building a ball machine for a young Agassi which he then used to practice his tennis serve. No wonder he holds the record for the strongest return serves in tennis history today!

But one cannot help wondering whether the two celebrities especially Woods has had their childhood cut short by the demanding regimes. Emotionally, they were meant to act like adults. In place of the freedom to act as normal children would, at that age, there were strict goals to follow which they should have not been subjected to.

“The only thing, I never feel the need to push is my writing ability,” Kia says.

“Whenever I write, I just feel that’s it... it’s almost like...like...magic...I can never explain it...sometimes I dream the world I am creating like it really exist..I don’t need to think, it’s like my hands just knows what to write...it’s automated....it’s like I have seen that world before...”

So how did I try and break out of my bubble? I came to London of course and discovered that there was much more to life than simply ‘studying perfection’. I wanted to have a laugh, wanted to go to concerts and clubs with my friends and most of all, I wanted to enjoy myself without feeling the pressure to be perfect.

Best selling British broadcaster and author, Simon Winchester admits that the process of writing is never perfect, no matter how much you want it to be.  

He said, “Whenever I begin a book I set the [word] counter with the start date, the number of words to write, the contract date and a very simple calculation- the number of words needed each day to meet the deadline. One hundred days, 100,000 words: 1000 words each day is the initial goal. But things change: the writing life is imperfect, however noble the intentions. Some days are good and maybe I’ll write 1500 words, while others are much less satisfactory and, for a variety of reasons, I may write virtually nothing. So be it.”

                                                                                                                                         

So there you have it. Being perfect is not always as important as enjoying life and living for the present. So until next time, keep writing and give yourself a break, sometimes...              

‘When perfect is not perfect enough’- part 1

PART ONE

 image curtsey & copyright by
http://jcspock.com

So this week, I have decided to tackle the issue of perfectionism in all it grimy detail. I was amazed to find out that after the many projects that Kia has worked on she does not celebrate it like everyone else. Instead, she tries to see ways in which next time can be even better.

“I have never completed anything in my life and thought, ‘Wow! That’s awesome’” says Kia.

 “I don’t know what it is about me but, everything I do has to be bigger, better, just greater than my last attempts. I am never satisfied with my performances, never 100% happy. its like I always compete with myself in order to beat myself.”

“It’s because you are a perfectionist, right?” I interrupted, making notes in my note pad.  I must admit, that after seeing Kia at work, I already had preconcepted notions that she was a perfectionist.

Kia leaned forward and peered anxiously at what I was writing.

“No....take that out....I’m not a perfectionist!” she said. “No way...perfectionists don’t take the kind of risks I do... not instantly anyways....I mean I go after what I want and perfectionists don’t do that very often because everything has to be perfect before they can do. I don't wait for perfection, I just do. I never sit and look at every single intricate details before i make my move...I just move,” she explained.

 “I just go with my heart and I give 100% to everything I do...” She shook her head as she tried to explain further, “I just always get this feeling after everything I do...like something is missing....”

“You feel disappointed?” I asked.

 She nodded, before quickly shaking her head. “I don’t think that’s how I feel,” she said finally.

 “I just feel like I could have done better and so I plan  to do better. I always want everything to be so explosive, it’s that buzz that I get, that dies instantly once it’s all over and then I feel that voice saying, ‘It has to be bigger and better next time’. So I’m always pushing for more.”

“Cause you’re a perfectionist!” I laughed determined to prove that i was right in what i was saying.

“No!” she said adamantly. “I don’t.....Maybe I just have an insatiable appetite for more, I don’t know...but I am not one of them...”

She pulled out her phone and handed it to me.


 “You don’t believe me?” she said.

Slowly, I took the phone from her hands, curious about why she was handing me her phone. 

 “Google it!”  

She was actually being serious and so that was exactly what I did.

It turns out that some perfectionist never admits to the fact that they are perfectionist and some, like Kia, even go to the extreme to prove they are not.

I revealed my findings but she replied saying that Google must be wrong on this point.

“I know! We’ll just have to buy a book that has detailed information about perfectionism...that’ll be more accurate,” she concluded, as she took the phone and began logging into her Amazon’s account.

“You are seriously going to buy a book?” I giggled, before bursting into laughter.

She paused and looked at me and then suddenly laughed too.

I couldn’t argue with her anymore but there was definitely something here.

I have witnessed excitement in Kia’s eyes whenever she undertakes a project.

I have also seen what appears to be uncertainty after most of her project, where she is always questioning herself especially if she hadn’t done as well as she had hoped, even when everyone commends her about how great she had done.

I was beginning to wonder why she had such reluctance to admit that she was a perfectionist although I wasn’t sure whether she was one or not.

Maybe it was something from her past that keeps her pushing for more, who knows.

I know I can definitely relate to that.  But how?.....